Brigid Slipka

[This is part of a series of posts on the motivations of donors, ranging from most selfish to most selfless: the Spectrum of Givers]

As a Giver again moves along the Spectrum, she becomes less and less ego-centric.  Whereas the Do Gooder considers it a point of pride not to be on the receiving end of a gift exchange, Friends receive graciously.

A Friend gives and receives with another in such an equal fashion that the distinction between the two vanishes entirely.  Both are Givers, both are Recipients, and both are as concerned about the other as they are about themselves.

Gifts aren’t one-time things, there’s no “acquisition” or “retention” or any other bit of business-speak involved.  There’s just a coupla Friends, exchanging gifts again and again, each time strengthening the bond between the two.

It also doesn’t have to be limited to two people.  A group can exchange gifts in a way where a Friend gives to one person but receives from another and everyone is both Giver & Recipient.  The “Secret Santa” tradition among chums is the classic case.

And timing doesn’t matter either.  Unlike the Repayer, who first had to be the Recipient of some goodwill before she’d turn around and give back, Friends don’t keep track.  They know that sometimes they are in the role of Giver, sometimes in the role of Receiver.  It probably all works out in the end, but no one’s gonna actually count out whether or not it did precisely.  The point is not being even-stevens, the point is being kind.

This is the most important thing about Friends, here, so indulge me while I repeat it.  The point is not having impact.  The point is not making a difference.  The point is not being fair.

The point is being kind.